Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
