cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so let's talk penis.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
