we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the room spins SO much faster in panama
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
