I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
