I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
