Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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