I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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