I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
