I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
