I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
