apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
