Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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