remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
