don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Randomize
