Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
