....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
