pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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