You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize