clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
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