It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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