I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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