What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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