and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
