I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I would ride that face into the sunset
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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