if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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