oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
