just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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