if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
