just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
