I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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