I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
