Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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