so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
