I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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