Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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