I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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