the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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