You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
