I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You need a sexual gate keeper
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
