why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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