the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
