Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
