She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
