there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Someone came in the potted fern
I can't put those talents on a resume
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
