This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
