Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
