I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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