he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We are two peas in an std pod
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
