I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
