This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
