So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
