high people should be assigned attendants
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
