There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
