Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
