I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
