If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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