4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
