You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm like, not good at living.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
