watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
