Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
