you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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